THE FORTUNES AND MISFORTUNES OF KIMMI STROKE

Lots of things, both good and bad, have happened to me this year. 365 days of adventures and misadventures. Some I have dutifully discussed here and others left unsaid.

1. I turned seventeen.
--> The second most sweet-sounding number in my list, next to eighteen. I don't know if I've grown
mature enough to even be seventeen. There are times when I feel like I'm still eleven,.sometimes even younger.

2. I've made a clear choice. And I've chosen to become a Nurse.
--> Life-changing?! I don't know. For now, I'll go along the gravel path and see where it takes me.
Surely, I'll be burning my eyebrows and sore my eyes and work my butt off for this course. But who cares?

3. I lost my one yr. old cellphone.
--> The hell with the guy who took it. I wonder why I just can't forgive and forget. Maybe because I know
that everyone has a choice. One can either do the right or wrong thing. If he really needed money, he could've just worked his ass off. Like work as a kargador in the talipapa or something. Or if he's really desperate, be a callboy or something. Or better yet, to sound less sinful..he might as well could've just collected scraps and garbage, recycled those shit..and turned it to something more useful. That way he could make himself useful, earn money and save the world. BUT NO. He chose to be the fucking lazy bad guy. He'd chosen to become the evil one. He stole my fuckin phone. BLESS HIS SOUL.

4. I've fallen in and out of love for "he who must not be named"
--> Not really in love. Those are big, italicized, boldly-emphasized words. Let's just say he'd charmed me. In ways I never imagined was possible, he has charmed me. He'd cast his spell on me and made me sick of thinking about him for about 90% of my days. Of the days that I was madly fond of him, that is. The thing is, now that the year is over and I'm spending my holidays idly, I'm starting to learn how to fight random emotional breakdowns. I hope I can just leave this shithole off my chest away with 2008. The hole is mending its way now. It grows smaller and smaller and less painful each passing day.

 

5. TWILIGHT: I read the books, watched the movie, and got stuck to Jacob Black.
--> The drama. I guess If I wasn't feeling this way towards Stan, I would probably not appreciate the story at all. Its the complications about the Jacob/Bella relationship that got me hooked. Somehow, I can relate to Jacob. No, not somehow. I can definitely relate to him. Not that I'm a werewolf or that I'm Quileute. Its his love for Bella..and how she loves him but that love just couldn't be enough. Oh God, I don't know.

And did I mention liking the movie too? even though it didn't apply to my expectations. The shirtless James, the hot Peter Facinelli, the adorable Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black, Rosalie claiming Emmett is her monkeyman, Bella being a pathetic, whiny pig. Haha. Oh well. La la la.

6. I had a shot of tequilla and few drinks of what was it? I forgot.
--> Hell yeah. I kinda drank a few shots. Steph got a little demanding during her birthday.

7.  I, we, got a NEW car.
--> A BMW 316i. A sweet car.

8. Xia-xia died.
--> The most heartbreaking drama of 2008. I will never forget her.

9. Mom reached her menopausal stage. (this should have only been minor..)
--> The mood swings is getting into my nerves.

10. I've cut my hair.
--> When I mean CUT. It means the whole fucking thing. Earnest, indeed. See it for yourself. The biggest transformation. The most unnerving headline of the year.The thing that lolled the shit out of all the people who knew me. Surely, the 'kim with the big, wild, crazy, grungy, hair' has now decreased into 'kim with the crazy hair'. And I don't know If I made the right decision considering the aesthetic purposes. But I'm sure loving the advantage of not wearing the whole weight of the shitloads of buzzy wires in my head.

 

The car won't fuckin start. Darn! I tried sticking the key over and over again on the ignition..but the damn car won't fuckin start! And there's something wrong with the automatic keylock system, I even got locked up inside the damn car. Good thing I've read the manual and read that part on the anti-theft lock system shit.

Hah. I wish I have Jacob Black with me to look after the car. Ya know, check it up for some prob and stuff.  He knows how to handle technicalities. Ugh.


Things to do:
- Re-read Sophie's World & finish Breaking Dawn.
- Watch Pineapple Express on DVD.
- Listen to James Morrison's album. Make a review.
- Read the SPIN magazine with Kings of Leon on the cover.
- Eat the christmas left-overs.
- Wash my dirty linens before New Year' s day.


xoxo.
KIMMI SMOKEY-DESPERADO

Yesterday, it occurred to me that there are some things in this world that are not meant to stay forever.

Death is inevitable.
Yet it is more peaceful and easier than living.

My beloved friend, Xia-xia, has died.
I found her lifeless feline corpse in fron of Kevin's house,.under their white car. She died but nobody killed her. I'm sure of that. The tumor in her left eye might have caused the deterioration of her health. I should've seen it coming.

Where do cats go in their afterlife? Do they go to heaven or hell, too? Coz' if that's the case then Xia-xia would probably on her way to heaven's gate by now. She's probably the most adorable and sweetest cat I've ever had. I'm sure the Cat God will welcome her in their kingdom. She's a good cat. I should know.

Karen and I dug for a cozy little place Xia-xia can call her grave. The location: Karen's place.

Surely, This Christmas and New Year will guarantee a lack. This will be the first time I'll be celebrating it without Xia-xia since I got her in 99.

The truth is hard to accept. More difficult to swallow. Its hard to forget. Though I don't find it necessary to.

I cried when he got near me. And I covered my face in shame. He walked away confused. Probably wondering why I cried without any reason at all. Well I do have a reason. I like him so much that I hate him. His presence overwhelms me. I don't know how to act properly when he is around. I get tongue-tied. I get shivers running down my spine. I'm afraid...I like him too much.

Morning came and I still did not watch rage b'coz I slept fuckin late last night. And I slept in Mom's room which explains why I dozed off like there's no tomorrow. Haha:]

We went to St. Andrew's to hear the mass and for the first time I didn't actually felt sleepy the whole time. There was this cute little girl,in the seat in front of us, who played with me. Not to mention that there are indeed shitloads of babies inside the church. They're just all so cute I can't help but stare at them. Waahh. Babies are killing me. They're just so cute. Oh so cute.

I paid for our lunch at Inihaw's. And I hope that's enough reason to not feel guilty about me being broke right now. I totally am. The remaining money is what I used to pay off for my new umbrella-ella. Its a black one with white stripes on it. Wait, let me repeat that. Haha. White Stripes on it. Literally.
And when I say I'm broke? I really am.
 

( piccies )

 

Then we went window shopping. While we were in Itti, I saw Ate Anna and Andrei so I rushed to them and left Mommy. Oh my, Andrei is the sweetest kid ever. When I bent down and greeted him, he hugged me immediately. So sweet. And he's uberly cute too. Ahh. Ate Anna told me she's pregnant for 1 month and I told her that's good. Which is true. I think pregnancy is beautiful. One baby on the way again. Woo. I'm happy for her.
* I don't have MTV on the television on my room. Duh. Sucks the life out of me. Won't be able to catch the live fitss tonight.

* I finished reading "My Little Blue Dress" by Bruno Maddox. Its a funny memoir about a woman who was born on the January 1, 1900 in a far-flung area of Murberry in England. Its funny because the of the british humor used which I can't get enough of. Haha. There is a strong writer-to-reader relationship. And if you have read the novel, you will know why. Anyhoos, I'm now on the beginning part of "Go Phish". It is a biographical book by Dave Thompson about the band Phish. Woo.

* I watched Georgia Rule earlier. I cried at the end. Garrett Hedlund is hot.
* DAY 1 FOR MY UMBRELLA.

P.S: Someone posted from the Strokes Community, I think its whitestroke, mentioning the Shin restauran-- the resto in L.A which is partly owned by Julian C. alongside Mark Ronson & many others. Woo. Fun.

haha.
i'm procastinating again.
i think.

this is my 2nd day routine of abs-forming exercise and so far i've been sweating like crazy.
hohoho.
nothing good around.
i wasn't able to watch rage.
 

i can't wait for monday to come. imma go to school and see mah friends again. woot.

 

You must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to understand your own.
- Annie, Nanny Diaries

It struck me. Am I really on the right path? coz if not, I just might experience the same
feeling of confusion and disappointment that Annie came through. Rather choosing the courses I believe would fit my abilities like International Studies or Business Trade, I chose Nursing instead. However, I knew long before that I've always wanted to be part of the health care world. I've always wanted to become a Doctor but seems to me that I will not be a good one anyway. How I wish that this decision of mine would result into a bigger realization on the latter path of its phase. The problem is, the immersion into an unfamiliar world doesn't always result into a thorough understanding of one's own world. Most of the time, it results to regret, insanity and failure. What could possibly happen to me? All I know is that, right now, there is no turning back. I need to continue what I've started. I need to learn to come out of my comfort zone. I will face this unfamiliar world alone.

BACK TO THE REAL WORLD.
The morning spelt disaster from the moment I woke up. Dizzy and can barely stand up from the scent of deep of sleep, I stumbled on the 4th step after having gone out of the bed. Turns out that Mom had left early for a friend's mom birthday party. She went with Tita Fely. Dad asked me for an early morning errand at the hardware. It was drizzling the whole time of my walk, which increased the burden of carrying some 5 kilo stuffo needed for the grinder. Imagine carrying those shitloads without having eaten breakfast and taken a bath. Bugger all. Since Mom was out, I was the one who did all the cooking and cleaning. It was not really that bad at all. I like helping my Mom. I do all the house works with all sincerity. Its just that the whole day promised me utter boredom. And I still need to return the dvd's I've rented from the mall. Take note, that I'm broke. Totally broke.

Huh. Sleepless, long nights. I would have to sleep early this evening. I don't want to wake up lightheaded again.

RANDOMNESS:

-There's this rumor about John Mayer dating Jennifer Aniston. Iww. John's turning into a resident hollywood "fawker"?

- Coldplay's new album excites me. I've only listened to the first single and two other tracks but I haven't really got the time to check out the other ones. And I'm lovin the album art of Viva La Vida. I missed those guys. Specially, Guy!
- Prince Caspian is hot!

THE SCISSORLIGHTS AT SM SUCAT!

Yeah boy. Nagkalat na naman kami ng lagim ni Karen sa jologs. We returned the dvd's I've rented two days ago.
Then, we checked out the booksale. Wah. Inside a random magazine, I left post-it note saying, "I bet that you look good on the dancefloor". Haha:) Hella fun. We ate popcorns while observing the people walking around the mall.
Checked out the cool CD's on the record store. Surprisingly, I saw some albums of artists that I thought wouldn't make it in the local stores, say: The Holloways, The Cinematics, Duffy, Cold War Kids and Athlete. Wow.

We went to this new bookstore at Building B and they have magazines that really got me bouncing like shit:

- Q's 21st Anniversary Issue (Limited Edition)
- Rocksound: with Ville Valo of HIM as cover
- MOJO: with Pink Floyd and Blondie cover on the other
- UNCUT: Robert Plant on the cover

dude! i'm broke! totally. HHHEEELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!

 


He's always been into music. Remember him from the show, "Make me a Supermodel"? 
He's adorable.

Finally, I was able to watch Casanova last Saturday. It made me think about Heath Ledger in heaven with angels. Young, talented, charismatic, promising and has so much to offer. 
*tear falls* 
*wipes it away*
I still have Michael Pitt though.

WHERE THE HELL IS COLDPLAY RIGHT NOW? in the studio recording a new album?

Due to increasing boredom and uninterest with the new books in my shelf, I decided to reread Olivia Goldsmith's Bad Boy. Technically, I am bored. The book is tastefully entertaining but doesn't excite nor provoke my thoughts. All the other new books I have here are either of bad book cover or a story that doesn't interests me. I think I need a trip to the booksale store, ASAP. I need good books. Any recommendations?

Anyhoos. I watched Wild Things 3 with my parents and my aunt yesterday. Even before the move started, I knew that the movie contains some explicit content. Some things I should not see, be seeing, and have seen. The movie, I suppose, was rated-18. And hell yes, I'm 17. It was pretty awkward watching those "rock n' roll" scenes when you're watching with your parents. It was the most uneasy feeling of all. The girls there were lesbians. And the girl portraying the role of Elena Sandoval was surprisingly, the filipino-irish actress Sandra McCoy. Sandra McCoy was the dirty pop girl in the N'Sync's "Pop" video. She is also engaged to Jared Padalecki of the TV series Supernatural.
I found out about her when I looked up Jared's online bio zillions of years ago when I used to fancy him. Nah, just thought about writing it here. Sandra's no big deal.

After a long break. 
 

I've travelled back and forth on the land I came from.
I met old family friends.
I watched the sun as it rose and set, several times.
I picked some shells on the beach.
I met a dog named, Paula.

 

I arrived home very thankful that at last a long day was finally over. The midterms is one week away, causing our professors to pressure us with projects dated to impossible deadlines. If only I can tear my body into two. If only I have a twin. If only I have either a brother or sister to help me. Being an only child sucks bigtime.

BTW.
I watched the news few minutes ago and found out that,...(breathes heavily)
that HEATH LEDGER IS ALREADY DEAD. Omfg! I dunno how to react at first.
I mean, I'm not really a fan though, but I do admire his acting skills. He's such a great talent, so young and has so much to offer. Its just so disheartening to lose someone like him. It totally breaks my heart. OMG. Too bad.

As for me, my hopes and dreams about Gabby is now slowly fading. The scenes of our romantic sunsets together with momentarily holding of hands are now starting to lose clarity within my head. Yet his expressive eyes and rose red lips still fascinates me. (Gee, this is so fuckin' cheezy!)

The point is, I am so willing to get rid of him because it is pointless to still like him.

I feel like a fucking retard. I've been looking for the Schindler's List DVD I've borrowed from Karen since this morning. I even had a tantrum and cried so hard until my eyes sore, only to find out that I've already given it back to Karen. Fucking - .  Silly me. *

Oh btw. My Sweeney Todd weekend was postponed and Karen rescheduled our day out for next week. Its gonna be Ruins day! Wohhoo!

I need to finish my schoolworks tonight.

I'm confused right now. I feel like almost killing myself even though I don't want to. There are times where I just find myself in deep thought. Wherein I indulge myself in a thinking of whether I should do things or not. And now, I find myself on an identity crisis. Its like after everything I've done with myself, my life..seems like I don't know who I really am anymore. Its not the teenage angst kind of thing. Besides I'm not even on the edge of rebellion. I'd rather sit down and think about it for hours rather than talk about it to other people or even wirte it down. Nobody can help me get through this except myself.
I just hope I get over this easily as the foundation week is over and the classes will go back to usual this coming Monday.

I got 90 in logic. Can you fucking believe that? I think I just won it bigtime. Haha:)
Its a good news that came unexpectedly. I'm glad it shocked me. Hey, it feels good to be shocked.


Tommorrow is the start of the preparation for the upcoming foundation day. Our class will be performing the HAKA DANCE of New Zealand for the field demo. Goody, I just hope I don't mess the dance. We don't have classes tommorrow, we're not supposed to. I assume that we'll practice for the whole day or so.

We chilled so much at school today. Us, the Bogers, sat and talked and kept our butts breathless for most of the time.

I was surprised to find my secret note again. Its a post-it note that I left hidden behind a tree's branch, somewhere in our campus. And I remembered about it earlier this morning, so I decided to check it out. I thought its already gone or that somebody have found it already but as I took a good look deep inside. There it was. I wrote this the time I used to hate my crush so much. And yes, I hated JJ before. 

 

 Okay, i just can't wait until 2008 comes. I miss school already. Everything about it. I want to make a good start out of the new year. I've got plans of rearranging my room and my life. And ofcourse, make more plans. Attainable goals and realistic plans. Hah. Sounds good? gawd, i hope i can do it and not screw things up. I'm so not a fan of new year's resolutions. I'm only after starting the year by simply eradicating bad habits, that's all. Hope it works. 

Wut? wut?
So far, I've dumped out things I don't think I will be needing anymore. Some books and childish trash out from above the hanging cabinets. What a mess it was. Tomorrow I'm up for my closet. The closet, which has always been a nightmare and a not so pretty scenery. I SWEAR I'LL TRY MY VERY BEST TO KEEP THOSE DAMN CLOTHES ORDERLY FROM NOW ON. 

I haven't been updating my music files lately. Haven't been checking out music news too. I wonder what's new?
Its been a long time since the last time I've visited band websites and stuff. Gee, I'm starting to sound boring.

jamie lynn spears is pregnant. i've known it since the news broke out. but it just shocked me right at this very moment. she's a waste like britney. but hey, there's a baby on the way.

Okay. Okay.

This day had been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. I can say that I've been pretty much my second self again: the insane bitch. Gawd. I laughed so hard and talked shit a lot today. Grabe.

Guess wot? Kanina nung Chemistry time nasa AVR kami. Biglang pinataas ni Danilo yung braso ko, tapos nilagay niya yung isang rubber band. Hell no. It might just be a rubber band. A plain and ordinary rubber band. But since it came from Dan Longno? i consider it priceless. I think I'll keep it for awhile.

ENGLISH TIME. 
Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng discussion about subordinates. I suppose it was about that. Haha. I forgot. Biglang sinabi ni Naomi na, "Mommy! Si JJ!!". And yes, there he is, walking down the corridor and has just walked past our seat on our room. Naomi suggested putting up a note on my post-it tapos ibibigay niya or i-wewave niya kapag dumaan si JJ. But I changed plans. I wrote: "hi JJ". 

I walked out of the room and nervously stuck it sa floor ng corridor along our room. I wasn't looking while he passed, coz I don't want to look so obviously desperate like a fucking obsessive bitch. So I didn't see exactly how he stopped when he saw my note. But Eliza said that some guy walking along the corridor stopped and picked up the note on the floor. Surely, she was referring to the note that I wrote. I wonder how JJ felt when he saw my note. Coz I saw him smile a bit as he went his way until I can no longer see him eh. *SUH-WEET*

Grabe. I didn't know I can do that. Na-shock talaga ako sa ginawa ko. 

And nakita ko siya three times. Una dun sa canteen before English class. While english class. Tapos after ng Math time. HAH. Nag-CR  pa sya. Ang iniisip ko lang, wala siyang dala na bag! Ang bag niya nasa chowking area. Wala na silang class that time. Why the hell would he use the CR at the 2nd floor naman diba? Damn. I'm sure he was looking for me. I'm damn sure of that. Nakita ko siya papaals na san kami ng classrum nun. I was standing behnd the wall between the door and the window nung bigla siyang dumaan. I FUCKING SAW HIM. His eyes was looking towards many directions as if he is looking for somebody. And I saw him. I dunno if he saw me. I guess not. But i don't effin care if he did.

Grabe. Lahat ng bodily reactions that we've discussed sa Psychology?
I'm not over-exaggerating ha? true. I almost felt all of those reactions.
Due to emotional excitement, my sweat glands innervated. Bumilis yung heart rate ko. My respiration disrupted. Not quite sure f my pupils dilated or if it constricted. My mouth dried. My muscles got tense. I had goose pimples. My guts churned. OMFG, my glands. my glands.

I don't get it. I don't understand why the hell am I feeling this way.
I feel like a fucking retard.
JJ. JJ.
You're driving me crazy.

Send him secret notes. Pique his curiosity. You know, use that thing called pen and paper and a few post-it notes. You will drive him mad playing a secretive admirer.

JAY JAY FUCKING CALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU MUST BELIEVE ME! YOU SHOULD! 
i still have his number on my called id's list!
where did he got my number? who gave it to him? i need to know so i can kill whoever that bastard is!!!

he called! he talked to me! he so did!
can you believe that?
i'm not being so sarcastic or pointy of the situation, its just that i'm  just so shocked!
traumatized!! whatever!

he's such a cutie. is he playing on me? whatthafuck! it isso not funny.
i like him earlier this morning. i so did. he's so cute and all.
but now?! now that he shoves his face directly on me? no fuckin way! no fuckin way!
i don't even want to see him again!
because of shame and all! 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what i'm gonna do! I need long bangs tomorrow! so i can cover up my face from deep shame!
I bet he'll tell Neil too! oh shit oh shit!!!!!!!!!!!

Screw you!

School is a binary system: can be enchanting or pissing. On my current status,academically,  I can say that I'm doing & feeling quite good of how things are going. Like totally. That is school's primary function. But let us not forget the fact that upon going to school. Not only do you learn new knowledge, but you are also able to mingle with mammals that belong on the same specie but acts different from one another. There goes the geeks, there goes the bastards, those are the bitches, those are witches. Get what I mean? Well good for me because my blockmates are still easy to deal with. And they are so normal there's almost no variation from each other. Thus, there is less adventure. I wonder how it feels to take the risk and lead life surrounded by wild animals with different personalities.

Chemistry went fine except for the partial yet tiring confusion of whether where to have the class. Ms. Asino was out today. The substitute prof only took the attendance. The reason is because absence of internet connection, which is why the hand-outs cannot be printed. I enjoyed yet another day with Ms. Jusay. Thank heavens, I so love her humor.

Just as everything have been going out fine. A bitch strikes and enters the vicinity of my serene & peaceful outlook for the day. Okay, I don't mean it like she's a super bad-ass bitch like woah. But yeah, come on, she is such a flirt. And flirting is a big sin based from my dictionary. I, so as my dear friends, do not practice that verbial term. And all the others who engage on such bitchy act are considered bitches. So here's the deets: she flirts, she finds way to talk to him in any way possible (see how desperate she is), she provokes her to let him kiss her (duh), she sits on my seat when in fact her proper seat is located 3 rows away from the front. But as expected, all bitches are indeed attractive. I wouldn't be surprised if the day comes that they finally hook up or whatnot. *prays for that to not happen*

I dunno. For now, I only know one thing. I don't like her. Not that I have a crush on the guy. But because the dear bitch has something against being a filipina. A prim and proper young lady. Flirting excluded. 

Mary Kay is the best.
I love the new Bella Belara perfume.